My Struggles…March 10

My Struggles…March 10

“The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” 
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I have struggled with so many things over the years, and honestly I think I have gotten better at handling some of them as I grow. I have always had an issue with insecurity, thinking I am not good enough or pretty enough. But somehow I was able to change that a little. I am not saying that it does not come back, but I have found the strength to believe in my self-worth and beauty just a little bit more. I also struggle with the death of my mother and the changes this caused. Just to know that she is not here to love us the way we should be loved especially my sisters and my brother. I struggle with that. I struggle with the thought that “family” could be as selfish as to tell teenagers they have to find somewhere to live; after all, family should be there to protect you. I just don’t know… I wish I could change the world with one snap of a finger but I can’t.

But since I honestly don’t have the emotional strength to delve into that… I will write a little on the other things I struggle with.

“Do it again and again. Consistency makes the rain drops to create holes in the rock. Whatever is difficult can be done easily with regular attendance, attention and action.”
― Israelmore Ayivor, The Great Hand Book of Quotes

I don’t know why, but I am unable to continue with most of things that I start. So I find that I have to play catch up or I get so discouraged I just quit it. Example, taking my supplements…I have been trying to take them each day but I always seem to forget. I thought of setting a reminder on my phone but that doesn’t work because I don’t eat the same time each day. Sigh, I need to get a hold of this because I am trying to build a life for myself. There are little things I need to get into the habit of doing. So far I have only been consistent with my morning messages. I guess I just need to find the discipline to extent that into other areas of my life.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt

I have been struggling with the belief that my dreams and aspirations will come true. I have been stuck in this place of working because I need to survive and I feel as if my dreams are moving out of my reach. I have to constantly remind myself that I am meant for greater things than just a job answering calls and changing packages. Every day I feel as if my spirit is breaking, I struggle to stand strong and believe. It isn’t easy trying to make your dream work when the environment you are in each day makes you feel as if you should not reach higher than where you are. But I know better…I HAVE to believe in better for myself and those around me.

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” 
― Søren Kierkegaard

It is my goal to pray more this year, because I know prayer brings healing. I don’t know why but I find myself just falling asleep during my prayer or before I even think to start it. There are times I may wake up at night and I take some time to give God thanks. I also try to do this before I get up in the mornings, but it is not a regular practice. To be honest, I don’t think I should be struggling with this but it seems I am. I need to find a way to find this struggle and not let myself fall into this space where it doesn't matter. It does.

As I said, I struggle with much more, like eating right and the things that have happened to me in the past. I struggle with thoughts and memories that make me feel the urge to rip my skin from my body. They make me feel dirty and unworthy…but I don’t have the strength to speak of them so publicly. Maybe another time I will, because sharing your story may just help someone else.

Well thank you for reading…

Advice & Beyond

@Looking_Within

What are Your Goals for March? For me they are...

At the beginning of the new year, I spoke of goals which are very important when you are on a journey of growth. http://lookingwithinu.blogspot.com/2014/01/new-year.html  I made for myself a list of goals for the year, so each month I should try to fulfill these goals and/or maintain what they entail. Here are some of them that I wish to focus on for March.

1. God.
           Most important is a relationship with God. In a society of people either always on the move or stuck feeling sorry for themselves; we lose sight of the importance of God. We forget to be grateful and to help our brothers as God sends others to help us. So for March and every other month I am alive, my goal is to strengthen my relationship with God. To go to church regularly and get involved, to practice gratitude and to be a blessing to those around me. I wish to one day be able to feel his light shining through me, I wish to be a beacon for others.

2. Kindness

                 It is an aspired life goal of mine to be a better person; to be a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear for those who need it. Based on research and basic human knowledge, being kind helps to improve your quality of life. Just doing something for another person and help to make you happier in so many ways. Even better, it helps to improve the lives of those around you, because you never know when someone may need a helping hand or kind word. This is why it is my goal for March to be kinder, to be a means of encouragement and support for the people around me

3. Quality Time

                      I definitely need to spend more time with the people I love. Many times I feel distant from my family, friends and significant other. I feel a sense of loneliness that should not be because I have people who love me in my life. I am getting a 2 weeks break from work starting March 14 and It is my goal to use this time to be around my loved ones more. When we get too busy, we get distant. I don't want that.

4. Getaway!

                  Another goal for March is to have a day away from all the hassles of my everyday life. I suggested and have been planning a trip out of town with my boyfriend. I see him a lot but we don't spend nearly enough time together, so this will be the perfect opportunity to relax, rewind and reconnect in a new way. I just want to be able to lay on the beach and enjoy the greatness of God's creation with him. I want to explore together. This will totally give me some extra points on the quality time goal lol.

5. Writing

              With this month's challenge and the one I got for February, I am surely working on my goal to write and express more. But I need to write more of my psychological posts. So it is my proposed goal to write at least 5 posts for March this is not related to the challenge. I need to keep myself in touch with my true purpose, I need to remind myself of the reason I am working a job I don't like. Writing does that, psychology does that.

I have other small goals to achieve, or more life to do lists. I want to start baking and making healthy treats like fruit smoothies. I also need to work on getting my glasses and researching scholarships for my masters. March is definitely a month of things to do, but I will enjoy it. This will be a great month for me, no matter what!

Advice & Beyond

@Looking_Within