Thoughts That Cannot Be Contained

For the past couple weeks, I have been thinking of my mother more and more. This was probably triggered by the loss of my grandfather. I have not fully processed the loss of this man that meant so much to me, who protected me, guided me and gave me more than I could ever repay. He was there for me as a father in ways my actual father simply could not be. He taught me what to look for in a husband and what a father should be for my children.

He did this not just in the way he behaved, but also in things he did not do. He was not perfect but he was my grandfather.

But losing him hit me in a way I did not expect. I have been feeling more and more that I do not have enough time left on this Earth. I have been trying internally to do so much, to love as much as I can, feel as much as I can, so that when my fire burns out I know it was a bright and vibrant fire. 

I am not sure I can say my mother had enough time, she died at the age of 33. I worry many times that my days are numbered just as hers were, but how can I know for sure. I cannot. So now I think of her and it is like a fading picture, each year she is further and further in my head. The ache of losing her is not constant, but it is as powerful as it was years ago.

You do not know the pain of losing a parent until you have lost a parent. It is just one of those things. You may try to understand and to feel for the person, but you will never know. Personally, I hope you never get to.

Growing older, I wish I am able to share these moments with the people I love more. To smile together, cry together, argue with each other and to get advice so valuable it cannot be bought. But not only do I long for her, I pray and hope that I will be able to love my children the way they should be loved. To be able to guide and nurture them the way she did for me, the way my grandfather did for me.

As humans we have a purpose, before we leave this Earth we fulfill that purpose. I know the purpose my mother and grandfather played in my life. Yes, I wish I had them longer, but I had them long enough...I trust God did what was best.

So I will cry when my heart becomes overwhelmed, but I will also honour them by living a full life. I will honour them by loving with a fire so deep it cannot be extinguished. I will touch hearts and lives in all the ways I can.

This is my mission and my hope. 

I miss you more than I can express to anyone and more than can be understood. I love you and I pray each day your soul is resting in peace. 

Advice and Beyond
@Looking_Within

Lock the Door...Tight!

Respect People enough to provide Closure...

Closure: "...psychological term that describe an individual's desire for a firm answer to a question and an aversion toward ambiguity. The term "need" denotes a motivated tendency to seek out information."

No one likes to have things left undone, or watch a captivating movie but not see the end. In the same breath, most people need closure and they need a sense that the chapter has ended and they can move on. Unfortunately life plays in such a way that we are bound to have our fair share of cliffhangers. We will be faced with those inevitable situations where there can be no closure.

But what about those times when closure is possible but we either deny or are denied that luxury. What do we say or do then? I read somewhere that when a relationship ends, we should always do an autopsy of the relationship, this allows us to gain closure and step forward with an insight that facilitates improvements.

Sadly, there are some of us who are so closed up by fear and pride that we deny the people we care about, or once cared about, the right to closure. We fuss over things gone wrong and offer resolution in a dismissive and debilitative manner. We fail to see that not dealing with important matters can stifle us and others to the point of death. This death is slow, painful and to the eyes of the deniers it is invisible.

We have to stop denying ourselves and others of the relief closure brings. We have to stop accepting situations where closure is denied. So let us look at some of the ways in which we can get closure or give it.

1. Communication: This is KEY. We have to allow for free flow of interaction that allows for healthy expression. People need to feel comfortable to deal.

2. Interest: Sometimes all the card may be right but someone just doesn't 'feel' like it. Indifference has a way of making us look cold, so we need to be careful of that. We have to find it in ourselves to consider another person's feeling and not just shrug them off.

3. Understanding: This is very important as well when trying to seek closure. We don't all feel the same way about every situation, people are different and so are their reactions to the things that happen to them. You may not always agree on everything, so understanding is necessary when trying to move on.

When we don't have the sense that a chapter has ended or a door was closed, the same issue may repeat itself in different forms in our lives. There are some weeds in our relationship that stem from an issue we never really resolved or got over. So we have to decide that even if our hands get dirty, we will pull that weed out.

Advice & Beyond

@Looking_Within