January 26...Fell down, But I am back up

Miracle #1... I am alive.

I woke up today and decided to start my session of praise and worship. I did not want to leave my room, so I closed my door and I began. I opened my Bible and read the story of the Vineyard and the Ten Bridesmaids...but it was James 1: 19 -27 that got me. 

James said, "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry..." This in particular held my interest. I have been told I talk a lot, quite frankly I just have a lot to say. But this can cause me to not listen to what others have to say, because my mind is so filled with thoughts of my own. But what good is that? How can I be my brother's keeper when I don't know what he needs? I have also been feeling surges of anger and frustration, and all that does is cloud my judgement and blinds me. 

You do not see blessings when you focus on anger and frustration. Gratitude has the power to eliminate unwanted negative emotions, but it is an act that needs constant reminders, you cannot simply say you are happy and grateful, you have to work at it.

I am working.

Another line that held me was, "So get rid of the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the message of God." Now, most would believe that the filth and evil referred to in this line are external. But it is within. We cannot eliminate and separate ourselves from every bad thing in this world, we can however work to keep our hearts and souls clean. Those poisonous thoughts we entertain, we should turn our heads from them and look to the grace of God. Look to HEALING.

"For if you listen and do not obey, it is like looking at your face in the mirror but doing nothing to improve your appearance. You see yourself, walk away and forget what you look like." 

What is the point in listening if you do not take care to put into practice what you have heard? Think of this, a friend tells you they do not like it when you call them a particular name because it hurts. You listen and you know, but you continue to call that person that name. What is the point? The words are like bread crumbs, simply falling on the ground, waiting to either be blown away or picked at by birds. So in the same breath, we should listen to the word of God and obey His teachings, practice it. "If you claim to be religious but do not control your tongue, you are just fooling yourself."

It won't be easy but it will be worth it. It won't happen overnight, but little by little practice will begin to become perfect. So LISTEN and OBEY.

Peace be to you.

Advice & Beyond
@Looking_Within

Luke 17 : 11 - 19....Thankfulness

A Lesson of Gratitude...

"As He entered the village, ten lepers stood at a distance crying out, 'Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!' He looked at them and said, 'Go show yourselves to the priests.' And as they went, their leprosy disappeared.
One of them, when he saw that he was healed, came back to Jesus shouting, 'Praise God, I am healed!" He fell to his face down on the ground at Jesus' feet, thanking him for what he had done."


Gratitude is a wonderful and positive attitude. How can our lives have meaning if we do not count our blessings and give thanks to the one who blessed us? 

When we wake up in the mornings, we have more than enough to be grateful for, because that in itself is a wonderful blessing. Yes the day may not go the way you wanted, but something did go right. Jesus healed 10 lepers and only one came back to him to give thanks... One.


So let this be our lesson for today, gratitude. Say thank you when someone does something for you, helps you or is kind to you. Give God thanks for all your blessings and speak a positive attitude unto His people.

                                


Advice & Beyond
@Looking_Within

My Short Sunday Journey

My Short Sunday Journey

Ever since I have been living with my Aunt, I only walk down the hill to the bus stop or pass places in a car. Today I woke up with so much on my mind, my life, my future, my mother, my relationship and most importantly My relationship with God. So I decided to take a walk and I never knew how relaxing that walk in the sun would have been. It opened my eyes to a few realizations;

                   1. There is peace in solitude: When I did my personality test, it said I need serious time alone to keep myself together, but I never knew the full meaning until I took that walk. I was walking with my headphones and it was just me and music praising God. I didn’t feel alone, or like I wanted company, I simply felt right. No matter the stares I got from people passing in their cars, I felt right.

                    2. There is a comfort in having a purpose. I knew where I was going and why I was on that journey, and it put me at ease, especially when I did what I wanted to do. There is so much anxiety in uncertainty and sometimes we need to be certain of what we are doing, why we are doing it and how we will achieve it. It is not an easy thing to achieve but even in the little things, it brings great comfort. My purpose was to walk and try to clear my head and that is what I did.

            3. There is joy in the creation of God. The trees, the flowers, the birds and the sun were all putting on a show for me today. I even saw a make shift waterfall, and thought it was simply a broken pipe, I stood there in awe of the beauty of this world. I have serious anxiety issues that I don’t share with most. I believe that is why I feel my emotions to such a degree. My hands sweat and my fingers swell when I am unable to release that emotion, it eats at me. I believe that I have been walking around with a lot of unreleased emotions and feelings and it broke me.

I wanted to go to church this morning, and I could never say that the walk was way better, but it helped me to find some amount of stillness in my mind. I was able to remember my reason for doing what I am doing at school and at work. I was able to breathe and accept that holding back on how I feel does not help any relationship I am in, when my lack of expression changes how I am towards that person. I was able to appreciate the little life I have and get my thoughts back on how to make the lives of others just a bit more bearable. 

I never expected what I got today, but I am very happy I did.

Until next time….

Learn to say what you mean…

Learn to say what you mean…

People aren’t able to read your mind. Maybe there are some special people who can sense emotions, and if the movies are right, some persons can read minds. But that gift is rare. A mundane person is unable to know exactly what you are thinking. They can guess, based on the nature of the relationship, but they won’t always be right or perfectly accurate.

You can’t expect your partner or friend to know what you mean when you say the exact opposite. ‘No I’m fine you can go to the party.’ When what you really mean is ‘Yes, I don’t want you to go to the party.’

Some people are unable to get their thoughts out and get them out effectively, this is something the psycho-sociological world has considered and has come up with different tips to consider.

• Be clear in what you say: Ambiguity leads to assumptions that can end up hurting the relationship more than you know. 
• Freedom of speech and expression: You have a right to say how you feel, however some things need to be filtered. Remember that context and tone is very important in expressing yourself, especially when it is something serious and may cause tension. Be careful not to say everything that comes to your head, or if so, know how to say it to reduce defensiveness.
• Emotional Awareness: What you feel can affect what you say more than what you think. It can also affect the way we respond to another person and our ability to understand what they have to say. Be aware of how you feel and express that, but also remember to make a conscious effect to not let it cloud your vision.
• Listen: People need to feel heard and understood. In the same way that you feel compelled to express your thoughts and feelings, the person you are talking to will want to do the same. Ensure that your partner feels comfortable to express him/herself. Be sure to listen actively to what he/she has to say. It can affect the relationship greatly when a partner feels as if they are always the listener, but never the one being listened to.

Relationships are tough. They are tricky, but they are amazing. You can’t also predict or control a person’s reaction; but what you can do, is ensure you do the best you can, to prevent the worse ones.

Hope is right around the corner…..

When you keep your feelings inside, who does it help? Does it help the person who they are directed to? Does it help you? Suppression only causes you to feel as if you are dying slowly, as if the world no longer makes sense and no one understands you. But really, you are the one who is stopping the world from knowing you. You build up walls so high and no thick that nothing can penetrate, and you side, curled up in the furthest corner, and you weep and everyone weeps with you because that, they can feel.

You open your eyes each afternoon and you cry, wishing you didn’t have to, wishing the pain was over. It’s not. It sits on you like a sumo wrestler, never easing, never shifting, constantly pressuring. You try to find someone to help to ease the hurt, but no one is ever there at the right time, to you anyways. You just continue to bear the burden of a scar so deep, yet unseen. 

When will you realize that slowly, you are losing color, essence, and meaning? When will you realize that life is passing you by, drifting in the ocean like the picture you tried to wash away? He’ll never return. Never will you smell that passing scent; never will you hear that fading laugh. It just won’t happen. This is truth. This is fact. This is death.

Tomorrow will come, but you won’t know. For you it is still 2007, it is still that Sunday afternoon when the sky was at its darkest. For you, light is absent even when it’s fluorescent. For you the music is mute even when it’s raving. For you hope it lost, even when it’s right beside you.

Hope is here. One day you will open your eyes in the morning, and you will smile. You will look out the window and you will see the colours of love and joy. You will see life. You will see redemption. You will see that it is not lost, that it was just hidden. You will smell that passing scent, you will hear that fading laughter and you will smile. You will be able to move on. You will be able to breathe.

This is Hope. This is Salvation. This. Is. LIFE!

Talk about it…

Talk about it…

So I have a problem and most of my blogs are finding solutions to my problems, that’s until people give me the go ahead to use theirs. Okay, let me stop making hints at my friends.

Okay the problem is this; I have a problem with knowing exactly what to say in an argument, to make it civil. I tend to attack the person and from what I have read, that is one of the biggest no nos. I also don’t express my feelings very well, for fear of sounding selfish and vulnerable, but this is actually a good thing. What I am going to do is use these methods I learnt to show the best way to express how you feel in a situation of conflict.

The situation is this, ‘My father has a very nasty tendency where he drinks a lot, steals from me and neglects everyone including himself. I have always tried to talk to him about it, as well as other family members and friends, but he just ends up getting defensive and walking away.’

We will now use what is called ‘The Assertive Message Format’ to adequately express to my father our thoughts on his behavior.

•   First step is Behavior; this is where you basically explain the behavior that has been bothering you. Ensure to be as objective as possible, describe the event or action without interpreting it. Below is an example, using the situation, of how to do it.

“Daddy, lately you have been drinking a lot. As well as I have seen you in my room going through my drawers and when I go in right after you, money is missing. Last week, you were at home alone with the grandparents and they said they didn’t have anything to eat for one whole day.”

•   The second step is Interpretation; this is where you describe the meaning you have attached to the persons behavior, this is now more subjective. What I notice with this is, try not to attack who the person is, like calling them selfish or a bitch. Just explain what you got from how the person has been behaving. It may very well be that the person has been behaving selfish, but ensure to place things like ‘I feel’ or ‘I think’. When the interpretation is linked to the behavior, people won’t feel so attacked.

“Maybe you forgot to ask me for the money that went missing, or maybe I thought it was there and it wasn’t. Also, you must have thought that someone was at home with grandma and grandpa, or you made plans before and we forgot.”

•    The third step is Feeling; this is something that some people may overuse or underuse. It is important to note that some statement may seem as if they are expressing feeling when they really aren’t. Self-disclosure is important in a strong relationship, and it entails expressing feeling. Remember, it’s perfectly legitimate to express your thoughts and feelings, but it’s important to label them as such.

 “Daddy, I honestly feel embarrassed and disappointed when you drink so much. It makes you seem reckless and without care. When I realized my money was gone, I felt so hurt and betrayed by you. Also, I felt worried when I found out that my grandparents weren’t fed.”

•     The fourth step is Consequence; after you have described the behavior, your interpretation and how you feel, it is time to show the person the possible consequence of what they did or didn’t do. It also serves to help them understand why their behavior bothers you so much. These consequences can be any of these three, or all if applicable; 

  (i) What happens to you, the speaker; “When you steal my money, it can leave me without lunch or bus fare. I may not be able to go to school or work because I have no money to get there.”

 (ii) What happens to the person you’re addressing: “When you drink a lot, you can get very sick and end up in the hospital, especially since you got shot and a bullet is still inside you. Drinking too much can also impair your judgments and as a father and a construction supervisor, you need to be aware.”

  (iii) What happens to others; “Grandma and grandpa could have gotten very ill, also being alone in the house, something could have happened and they could have died or be severely damaged. Daddy, when you drink and then you have to drink home, you can end up in a car accident, and though you may not get hurt, think about the person that may be walking by, or driving, they can die or get seriously injured.”

• The final step is Intention; this can also be broken down.

 (i) Where you stand on an issue; “I just want you to know how much it bothers me when you do these things.”

(ii) Request of others; not applicable here, but it can be something like, ‘I just like to know when this is going to happen.’

(iii) Description of how you plan to act in the future; ‘If you drink that much again, I will not be helping you to clean after yourself. When you ask me for money, I won’t give it to you if you continue to take it without my permission.”

So that is the format that you can use, if it is a problem that more than one person have, then each person can write it down. This is a perfect format for interventions as well. Remember, that it doesn’t have to be presented in the specific order, but ensure you get all of this out, it’s important for you and the person you are addressing. Also remember to take you time in delivering the message, just because you have a format doesn’t mean all is well. You have to be mindful of tone, use of words and non-verbal cues. People will always be defensive, even when you use every method ever taught, just be sure you do it right.

Until next time, when we talk a little more on expressing yourself, but more so with defensiveness

Hanging on…

Hanging on…

So after watching So You Think You Can Dance yesterday, I have been listening to ‘Hanging on’ by Active Child alot. It had me thinking though… when do we really know to let go and when do we keep hanging on?

A relationship is on the rocks and you have to make a decision, do you continue to fight a battle constantly lost? Do you just decide that enough is enough?

There are some things that I would consider. Things like is he fighting just as hard as I am? Does he love me? Do I love him? Am I doing this because I believe it can work? Or am I just afraid of what will happen when it doesn’t?

Every relationship has its own struggles, some harder than others, but it is up to you and your partner to decide that this is worth it. If its bigger than you think, seek outside help. Therapy is not for the mentally insane or the weak, its for people who are brave enough to realize they need help.

If the relationship means that much to you, you will fight. Sometimes its hard to know when enough is enough, but it will come. Just ensure that in all the struggles, you are able to look at that person and love them, just as they are able to do to u. A relationship isn’t a one woman or one man show, so don’t hold on because you don’t like to fail, or because he/she loves you. You do no one any favours by piting them. Remember that.

Anywho, that was just my little bit, I hope I haven’t offended anyone, just in the mood to write about something. Also, I wasn’t really prepared so it may not be perfect.

Sunday August 19th….

Sitting here in pain, I wonder, have I lost my purpose and vision?

I sit and I think of the Lord and all his amazing glories, all the blessings he bestows upon me everyday and I know I am not doing enough. It is time to stop making promises that are never kept. It is time to stand up and make a difference. What has stopped me? Why have I lost track?

We all get distracted from the important things in life, we get so caught up in our issues and the issues of others that we forget to live. I need to find joy in all this sorrow, I need to find peace in all this animosity. 

God promises our all the fine things in life if we trust in Him and follow His words. The finer things may not be jewelry, a big fancy house or a sports car. The finer things are joy, peace, hope, grace, love. He gives us something that we are unable to find in sex, drugs and lies. He gives us something all the nights in club could never. He gives us something that money will not be able to come close to. 

The question is, will we accept it? Will I accept it? Will I be able to just be and breathe with God? I honestly just want to let go and let God. 

These are my words, these are different from my usual blogs. I will make it a point of duty to write about this every week. 

Wish me luck and faith.

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. 
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. 
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” 
― Mother Teresa

Love…. So important it is always mentioned….

Love…. So important it is always mentioned….

“unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another” is one of the definitions of love by Merriam-Webster. The bible speaks greatly about love, so do psychologists, philosophers and wise men and women all over. Why then do we doubt or downplay it’s importance in our lives and interactions?

“Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word and deed; by what we have done and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbours as ourselves; we have not loved ourselves as we ought. We are truly sorry and humbly repent. For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us, that we may delight in your will, and walk in your ways, to the glory of your Name. Amen.”

This is the Act of Penitence as written in the ‘The Book of Common Prayer’ used by Anglicans.

Let’s talk about the sectioned made in bold. We have not loved you with our whole heart. Of course that talks about God. God is love. He is the greatest manifestation of what love is and should be. He gave his only son to die on the cross for us. He brings us through each day and provides us with food, clothing and shelter. Not many people appreciate the blessings bestowed upon them, they forget that they can’t do it all alone. We also forget that loving God isn’t just about speaking His word, it’s about practicing His word and spreading it. It’s about living a life that is acceptable to him. He loves us for who we are, sinner or not; he just doesn’t like the sin. We should try to ensure that we embody His grace as much as we possibly can. That when we fall, we are not afraid to ask him for help to get back up. That we love his creations and treat them with respect…

We have not loved our neighbours as ourselves. As I read this line, I think of the sermon that was done by a friend of mine this past Sunday. She said a line that made me shiver and think about a lot. She said ‘Too many times have our words been the bearers of misery to others’ I am paraphrasing but the line really made me think. If we loved our neighbours as we did ourselves; would we say and do half the things we do? Would we fail to find out if they are doing okay? Would we turn a blind eye to the tears that we see flooding their minds? Would we really pretend as if we don’t care and we have done enough, when we would have wanted them to care for us?

Kirk Franklin has song that is entitled ’ The Last Jesus’, there is a line that speaks directly to what I have said. “It’s easier to say your help is on the way, but I was your help all along.”  We have lost what it means to be our brothers’ keeper. We have been so consumed in self that we forget to be the light in someone else’s darkness. There is no way or steps to use to act this out. It has to come from within, from a genuine place. Just saying an empty good morning is not enough, though it is a start. We have to try to be more, do more and try to feel more. We have become a generation of social networks but little socialization. We throw the word love carelessly but save the acts of love like scarce water. 

This brings me to the third section, which says ‘we have not loved ourselves as we ought’. I think we have a major issue of self esteem in people these days. Don’t think just because you flaunt your body and profess each day that you are the hottest thing alive that you have self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-assurance is knowing who you are and accepting that. It is respecting yourself so that others see the need to respect you. It is not allowing yourself to lose sight of the values and beliefs that you hold just because another man tells you to. 

Loving yourself is much more than going to the hairdresser every week and buying the latest outfits. Loving yourself is certainly not making others feel small just because you know you aren’t as big as you may want to be perceived. It is knowing your flaws and accepting them and using your strengths to help your flaws; to make you a better person. We don’t love ourselves as we ought, which is why it is so easy to treat others as less than human, as less than a rodent. 

I won’t pretend to be a preacher, but I do know somethings. It is something that I myself am struggling with, but everyday I climb another rung on the ladder, I try to become a better me. Somedays I don’t move, some days I fall but I will never give up and neither should you.

This blog is not about giving you steps to improve communication, it is touching on the truth.LOVE IS IMPORTANT AND ESSENTIAL! It is mentioned way too much for us to try to be delusional of that fact. If you lack love, you lack life, you are nothing but a floating ghost waiting for your doom. Never lose faith in love and the hope that you will be able to share and experience it in its various forms. 

     Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-     seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

                        1 CORINTHIANS 13: 4-13