Ever since I have been living with my Aunt, I only walk down the hill to the bus stop or pass places in a car. Today I woke up with so much on my mind, my life, my future, my mother, my relationship and most importantly My relationship with God. So I decided to take a walk and I never knew how relaxing that walk in the sun would have been. It opened my eyes to a few realizations;
1. There is peace in solitude: When I did my personality test, it said I need serious time alone to keep myself together, but I never knew the full meaning until I took that walk. I was walking with my headphones and it was just me and music praising God. I didn’t feel alone, or like I wanted company, I simply felt right. No matter the stares I got from people passing in their cars, I felt right.
2. There is a comfort in having a purpose. I knew where I was going and why I was on that journey, and it put me at ease, especially when I did what I wanted to do. There is so much anxiety in uncertainty and sometimes we need to be certain of what we are doing, why we are doing it and how we will achieve it. It is not an easy thing to achieve but even in the little things, it brings great comfort. My purpose was to walk and try to clear my head and that is what I did.
3. There is joy in the creation of God. The trees, the flowers, the birds and the sun were all putting on a show for me today. I even saw a make shift waterfall, and thought it was simply a broken pipe, I stood there in awe of the beauty of this world. I have serious anxiety issues that I don’t share with most. I believe that is why I feel my emotions to such a degree. My hands sweat and my fingers swell when I am unable to release that emotion, it eats at me. I believe that I have been walking around with a lot of unreleased emotions and feelings and it broke me.
I wanted to go to church this morning, and I could never say that the walk was way better, but it helped me to find some amount of stillness in my mind. I was able to remember my reason for doing what I am doing at school and at work. I was able to breathe and accept that holding back on how I feel does not help any relationship I am in, when my lack of expression changes how I am towards that person. I was able to appreciate the little life I have and get my thoughts back on how to make the lives of others just a bit more bearable.
I never expected what I got today, but I am very happy I did.
Until next time….
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