Thoughts

There are times in our lives when we have to make decisions and we are not sure if they are the right ones. It feels difficult and you constantly battle with yourself about it but, in the end it has to be done. You have to make the decision.

I made a decision, I am sure is going to change my life for a little while, but I believe it will be a change for the better. I have been investing my emotion and concerns in something I am not sure is working out for me. As an idea, I love it and I believe it will work however, I have been struggling a bit too much with it and I just can't handle it.

I am at a place right now, where I feel I have lost touch with my relationships and my overall purpose. I have been getting myself down over things that don't seem to be working out and it is affecting everything else. So I decided to take a break from those things and try to get back to my center.

What worries me the most, is that these things will go on without me and won't need me very soon. I also worry that my decision may not be understood, or even worse, it won't matter.

So yeah. I won't say much more about this because it is still a bit raw. We shall see though, I promised myself this will be a year of change and improvement so that is exactly what it will be.

Advice & Beyond

@Looking_Within

Am I my Brother's Keeper?

What does it mean to be your “Brother’s Keeper”? Does it mean being there when the person needs you? Or is it more than that?

Then the LORD said to Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?" "I don't know," he replied. "Am I my brother's keeper?"

-       Genesis 4: 9

I was thinking of my present relationships and I wondered to myself if they really hold as much value as I claim they do. I started to question the true meaning of friendship and being there for someone and the first thing to come to my mind is being my brother’s keeper.

Now, I think to be your brother’s keeper means a whole lot more than we may want to accept, because that means it will take work and time…But isn't that what friendships and relationships are really about? The work we put in to keep them alive?

“If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it . . .” (1 Corinthians 12:26)

I think, as with many other teachings of the Bible, we have come to water down and rationalize the teachings and expectations of God. But even if you don’t want to look at this from a religious perspective, how strong can a friendship or relationship be if we just do the bare minimum when it suits us? If we leave things at, “She knows I am here for her” instead of showing her that you are there?

It is such a great thing, and maybe a not so great thing, that Google was invented, because it saved me time on finding passages in the Bible that speaks to us being there for each other or being each others’ keepers.  So I will try to tie what I have found, with my own view on what this means to me. I know I have not been practicing this, but in my heart I believe we should be doing way more than we believe we are now.

1.    Show Love; It is so funny, that as soon as I typed this, a car passed and the words of the song said “Love is, call on me sister.” Loving someone and showing it is a part of being that person’s keeper. It is not about just caring when it is convenient, it is about lending a helping hand, sharing kind words or being a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear. There are many times we need people far more than we are comfortable to express, but there is that moment when someone is there for you and you feel as if all hope is not lost. Now don’t be fooled, people know when you are not genuine, they know when you are more curious than caring and loving. They also know when you are doing things out of perceived obligation or pity, so it is up to us to find it in our hearts to do this because we want to, and no so much because it is expected of us.

2.    Show Kindness

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me..." - Matthew 25:35

There are so many ways in which we can show kindness to one another. We can buy a friend lunch, lend them a book or help them to clean their house. At Church of the Resurrection, a part of helping the elderly in church is by visiting them to read with them, listen to them and also help out around the house. So whether it is washing, sweeping or straightening up, we are helping them out and showing them kindness.

Being kind is about being there for someone and helping them with something that they may need. Also, being kind is a great way of improving self, you are much happier when you are kind to others. So if that means a compliment then you put a smile on their face and you light a spark in their hearts. We all just need someone to care, and honestly if we decided to be each others’ keepers, we would not have a lot of the problems we do now. But as with everything else, we are humans limit ourselves and we struggle.

3.    Feel the urge to do more…

Now I was talking to a few of my friends, just to get an understanding of their view on this lost topic, and I must say I was not very shocked. I was not shocked because this is how I have been behaving though I know it is not right. We have somehow convinced ourselves that being our brother’s keeper means doing the best we can when we can. But are we really looking out for others, or just ourselves. Being your brother’s keeper should not be when you are comfortable or when you have time; it should be a constant practice in our lives. It should also not be limited to family members and close friends, sometimes the persons that need our help the most are those we don’t look to help.

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2

As we grow, we change and we develop. What was our best in primary school, is certainly not our best now. This is the same with our relationships with each other. Yes maybe 4 years ago, the best you could do is a pat on the back or “I’m sorry”, but certainly now should be different. It should be different because we should be pushing ourselves to do more and be more for each other. Yes we need to strike a balance between being someone’s crutch and their keeper. We should also strike a balance between taking care of ourselves and others. But honestly, are we really trying to do as much as we can? Or are we stuck in the mindset that we are doing our best, especially with all we have to deal with? I know that I am not doing my best, and I can say that to anyone, because now I can actually work on that. We should all look into our hearts, take the time to reflect on our friendships and relationships and be honest with ourselves. Could things be better if we gave a little bit more?

The mind is a powerful part of who we are, it has the ability to help us to cope with challenging thoughts. For example, a part of you feels as if you are not there enough for the people around you, but then you have so much on your plate you can’t possibly find the time. You know what your mind does? It convinces you that you are doing enough. Don’t get me wrong, maybe you are really doing enough, but I also know that we make time for the things that are important to us, and even if it is for 5 minutes, we can reach out to someone just to send them a picker upper, whether they may need it or not. I mean, don’t we need it sometimes too? Not a whole therapy session, but just a “Hey, I am proud of you. I know you may get tired, but hang in there because you have immeasurable strength.”

4.    We need to look out for each other…

This may be a touchy topic because some people may say “not everyone wants help from others” and maybe you are right, but does that stop us from trying? Everyone may not believe they need saving, but it didn’t stop Jesus from dying for our sins so that we can be saved right?

“Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.” - Nehemiah 4:14

The Bible tells us to fight for our brothers and our family. It did not tell us, “Ask them if they need help then offer it”, we got that thought from somewhere else. So no, I do not believe that being my brother’s keeper means I ask him if he is okay when he seems a bit down. Like I said, I am guilty of it too, but that does not make it right. 

An example came to mind and I will share it because, well I don’t see a problem sharing it.

Jane, Sally, Jessie and Kelly are all friends. Now one day, Jane hears something from Janet about Kelly, something she knows Kelly would not have said to everyone. So, Jane because worried and feels the need to warm Kelly. But she doesn’t really want her, as much as makes her suspicious of everyone else. Because what she says to Kelly is, “Be careful of who you tell stuff because I heard something from someone, and I am sure you didn’t tell them.”

Now honestly, is that being your brother’s keeper? Fully, anyways? I don’t believe so, because really Jane is trying to save herself in case Kelly decides to confront Janet, and who does that help? Not Kelly.

This is just an example; we have to look out for each other, even if that means it may cause a little conflict. So you saw your best friend’s boyfriend with another girl, don’t go around being cryptic and sending hints. Let her know, regardless of the fact that she may get upset with you and not believe you. Because, sometimes the right thing to do and the hard thing to do; are the same things.

Well honestly, those are my thoughts. They are not Gospel and have not been written in stone, and they also do not cover the full meaning of being your brother’s keeper, but they are simply my thoughts. I am open to comments and constructive criticisms; I mean how else can we learn?

Thank you for reading, until next time.

Advice & Beyond

@Looking_Within

March 12… Someone who inspires you

March 12… Someone who inspires you

There are a number of persons who inspire me, but I will speak on two of those persons right now. They are my sisters Nahalia Munda and Jemelia Munda.

“For there is no friend like a sister
In calm or stormy weather; 
To cheer one on the tedious way, 
To fetch one if one goes astray,
To lift one if one totters down, 
To strengthen whilst one stands” 
― Christina Rossetti, Goblin Market and Other Poems

They inspire me in a way I didn’t realize they could. Let me give you a little background…

My sisters lost their mother, just as I did, but they were younger than I was and I would say felt it a little bit differently from me because they spent a lot of time with my mom. It was a difficult time, and I was not there for them as much as I should have been to be honest. But I remember the day of the funeral and the hurt that washed over them…it was a lot!

About 2 or 3 years later, my sisters lost their father. Now this was particularly hard for me to grasp so I can only imagine the hurt they must have felt to lose both parents. I had my own struggles but this was a lot for anyone to handle. They then fell into this place of being dependent on others to care for them, when at times it seemed as if these persons did not want to be left with this burden. This I know very little about, because ever since I was a child, my father’s mother has been taking care of me. She may have complained here and there, but never did she send me away. We all had our fair share of trials and tribulations, but for them, they did not get the full support and love they should have.

But guess what, they have been surviving and striving in different ways. I am inspired by Jemelia’s determination and strength. Yes she has made some decisions I am not happy with, and she has been delaying in areas I know she should not be. But guess what, she has a job and she has been trying to do her best to make a better life for herself. She has been trying to not be defined by the things that she has experienced, but rather to be better because of them. I love her kindness and caring soul. She feels a bit more, and expresses herself openly and this is a characteristic many people pray to have. I wish her all the best. I wish her love and happiness. I hope she is able to get a stable life and to not be haunted by the sadness of loss. She will rise, I know this because I see a light in her and that is what she needs.

Then there is my sweetheart Nahalia, who has a sense of discipline I wish I did when I was going to school. I honestly don’t know if it is her way of dealing with the situations she has faced, but I know that she is determined to be more. This inspires me to also want to be more and to fight for it. She has taken a lot of crap that she should not have, but I admire her respectful manner and her spirit. She is a wonderful soul and I know she is destined for greatness. She is intelligent and focused. She inspires me to go for my masters and make a better life for myself. She is much like me in many ways, and I am not sure if that is the reason I connect with her, but I wish I was there more for both of them.

These girls are a gift from Heaven, and despite their mistakes and flaws, I know our mother is looking down and she is so proud of the ladies they are becoming. I pray to God I will be able to play an important role in their lives because we have each other and that matters greatly. I love them soo much and I am blessed to say they are my two beautiful and fabulous sisters.

Advice & Beyond

@Looking_Within

My Struggles…March 10

My Struggles…March 10

“The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” 
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I have struggled with so many things over the years, and honestly I think I have gotten better at handling some of them as I grow. I have always had an issue with insecurity, thinking I am not good enough or pretty enough. But somehow I was able to change that a little. I am not saying that it does not come back, but I have found the strength to believe in my self-worth and beauty just a little bit more. I also struggle with the death of my mother and the changes this caused. Just to know that she is not here to love us the way we should be loved especially my sisters and my brother. I struggle with that. I struggle with the thought that “family” could be as selfish as to tell teenagers they have to find somewhere to live; after all, family should be there to protect you. I just don’t know… I wish I could change the world with one snap of a finger but I can’t.

But since I honestly don’t have the emotional strength to delve into that… I will write a little on the other things I struggle with.

“Do it again and again. Consistency makes the rain drops to create holes in the rock. Whatever is difficult can be done easily with regular attendance, attention and action.”
― Israelmore Ayivor, The Great Hand Book of Quotes

I don’t know why, but I am unable to continue with most of things that I start. So I find that I have to play catch up or I get so discouraged I just quit it. Example, taking my supplements…I have been trying to take them each day but I always seem to forget. I thought of setting a reminder on my phone but that doesn’t work because I don’t eat the same time each day. Sigh, I need to get a hold of this because I am trying to build a life for myself. There are little things I need to get into the habit of doing. So far I have only been consistent with my morning messages. I guess I just need to find the discipline to extent that into other areas of my life.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt

I have been struggling with the belief that my dreams and aspirations will come true. I have been stuck in this place of working because I need to survive and I feel as if my dreams are moving out of my reach. I have to constantly remind myself that I am meant for greater things than just a job answering calls and changing packages. Every day I feel as if my spirit is breaking, I struggle to stand strong and believe. It isn’t easy trying to make your dream work when the environment you are in each day makes you feel as if you should not reach higher than where you are. But I know better…I HAVE to believe in better for myself and those around me.

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” 
― Søren Kierkegaard

It is my goal to pray more this year, because I know prayer brings healing. I don’t know why but I find myself just falling asleep during my prayer or before I even think to start it. There are times I may wake up at night and I take some time to give God thanks. I also try to do this before I get up in the mornings, but it is not a regular practice. To be honest, I don’t think I should be struggling with this but it seems I am. I need to find a way to find this struggle and not let myself fall into this space where it doesn't matter. It does.

As I said, I struggle with much more, like eating right and the things that have happened to me in the past. I struggle with thoughts and memories that make me feel the urge to rip my skin from my body. They make me feel dirty and unworthy…but I don’t have the strength to speak of them so publicly. Maybe another time I will, because sharing your story may just help someone else.

Well thank you for reading…

Advice & Beyond

@Looking_Within

March 6 Favourite Posts

I am a little upset with the mobile blogger app because it deleted one of my posts. I think I have it saved somewhere so I guess I don't feel so bad.

Anywho, focusing on the challenge.  I have 3 posts that are my favourites simply because of the message they send.

They are;

Love…. So important it is always mentioned…. http://lookingwithinu.blogspot.com/2013/04/love-so-important-it-is-always-mentioned.html

Take Control of Your Own Happiness http://lookingwithinu.blogspot.com/2013/04/today-i-decided-to-flip-throw-channels.html

New Year http://lookingwithinu.blogspot.com/2014/01/new-year.html

I am also very proud of the blog about my mother but it is not my favourite because it was difficult to write and stirs up memories and feelings I wish to not acknowledge.

I hope you enjoy the posts aa much as I do. You can leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Advice & Beyond
@Looking_Within

Season of Lent...What it means to me?

"Jesus was led out into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit to be tempted there by the Devil. For forty days and forty nights he ate nothing and became very hungry..." - Matthew 4: 1-2

"The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer through prayer, penance, repentance of sins, almsgiving, atonement and self-denial."

Many persons try to achieve a goal for the 40 days and 40 nights of Lent, but what meaning does this season really hold?

I believe it is a season of preparation and testing. Jesus was taken into the wilderness to be tempted. It is also a season of faith, because though his body was weak, his faith did not falter and he did not fall into temptation. He refused the Devil and was then taken care of by angels.

"During Lent, many of the faithful commit to fasting or giving up certain types of luxuries as a form of penitence."

For as long as I have been able to comprehend what happens around me, people have been 'giving up' things for this season. Whether it be bad habits or things they feel dependent on; we have been making the sacrifice to not partake in these things for this season.

I think this is great,  because where it takes a few days to form a habit, it takes over a month to break it. It also helps us to move away from the silly things that hinder us from seeing truth and showing gratitude and praise. It helps us to strengthen our faith and beliefs. 

"The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbour).

However, in modern times, observers give up an action of theirs considered to be a vice, add something that is considered to be able to bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations."

This cultural/religious practice is also good as it helps us to also form new habits, while trying to break the old ones. So though you have given up sex, you can also decide to pray more, do community service or go to church.  Do something that enables spiritual growth and enlightenment. We should be able to deny our earthly needs and connect to God and His people. Do something outside of ourselves.

Emotional health and physical health are great. But it is the spirit that counts the most. We have to use this season to tap into the source which is God. To do great things in His name and grow in His faith.  So yes it is good to be able to give up something,  but what is that more than discipline. Lent requires more of us than that.

So for this season I decided to give up chocolate and soda, this is in an effort to improve my physical health and minimize on my spending. But most importantly,  I want to pray more and go to church more.

Don't be discouraged and believe that if you slip it is over... Jesus was sent to forgive us of our sins and slip up, not to condemn us. Though we may be tested,  we can stand tall and draw on the eternal strength of God.

So reply and let me know your thoughts and what you have decided to give up for this Lent.

Advice & Beyond
@Looking_Within

A Moment in Time...March 3

Sooo...where I work currently is not exactly the most ideal environment. Some of this is because of people who feel valued and important when they are able to boss other people around.  On the other hand it doesn't help that some of the employees fail to behave like the adults they should be.

So what you find happening is that the 'Leaders' will be a bit much when enforcing some things.

Here is the moment...

My friend, who remains unnamed, is close to the end of her shift but she is not logged into a new application we should all be using.  An acting team leader notices this and asks her to log in. She knows it's pointless but says okay. I will but not until you leave. With the 'massa' mentality she decides she is not moving. This does not shake my newly liberated friend and stirs in others the courage to speak of the irrelevance of logging into this system.

All in all, my friend did not falter. The acting left and she logged in as she promised. I share this moment not only because it was hilarious to me, but it was a needed act of defiance. It strikes me that when the known opportunity of 'getting out' arises, we gain a confidence and sense of mental freedom that is imperative. We are no longer moving in fear of what may happen because we know the decision we have made.

So I say, all power to you my friend and I wish you all the best in your endeavors. I wish you greatness and prosperity. Do it for you!

Advice & Beyond
@Looking_Within

What Happiness Means To Me - March 4

Happiness needs gratitude. It means a great appreciation for life and all it entails. It is looking beyond the cruelties and knowing that this world has beauty beyond our imagination.

There are many things that make me happy. The little things and the big ones...here are 5.

1. Music
        “Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent”
― Victor Hugo
A good song makes me happy...puts me in a place of peace. A song has the ability to evoke in me so many different emotions but the ones that make me happy are the ones that I love most.  A song that makes me think about the people I love, is one that brings me great joy. I mean how can you not love music!

2. Food

Well this is a given if you know me. Food sustains us,  gives our bodies the energy they need to make it through each day.  Eating food gives me great pleasure. I am beyond grateful that I have the provisions to buy food each day. There are soo many persons out there who worry each day about what they are going to eat. They are homeless and broke. So yes! Food makes me happy because I am blessed to be able to enjoy the variety.

3a. Friends
“I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

To have good people in my life who can make me smile and be there for me in the tough times...this makes me happy. I have been blessed with friends who put up with my nonsense and aid me in my growth. They make me realise that even when you feel things aren't going right, they are going somewhere and for a reason. I have made new friends and they give me joy just as much as the old ones. It is truly an honour for me to be able to be a friend and to proudly say I have great friends. Yes,  they frustrate me at times and I doubt their love. But at the end of the day I am reminded and my smile returns in full glow.

3b. My Love - Gibran
Gibran makes me happy in so many ways. He is there for me, he makes me smile and laugh my ass off. He makes me feel loved and cared for. He listens to my cares and concerns, ans he helps to ease my mind. He is a great soul and I am happy to say I love him and he loves me.

"You make my frown turn upside down and now my worries are gone." ― Owl City,  Hot Air Ballon

4. Family
I have a pretty dysfunctional family. I won't hide or deny that. I will say though that I am blessed to have a family and this makes me happy. It makes me eclectic when I think of my grandparents who assumed the responsibility for little me. They took care of me when my mother couldn’t and my father was too selfish to try. I am happy for the blessings to have cousins I can learn from, sisters to share life's trials with. I am happy I was able to know and love a mother so sweet, who sacrifices for her children and always put them first.
Though he was not the best,  I am happy because I have a father who makes me laugh and tells the most way out stories. Family is a gift. I may not have experienced that overprotective brother type thing that most baby girls do, but my brothers have been there for me and helped me. My two little cousins make me happy because I get to see them grow and I am able to help in whatever way possible.

5. GOD
Without the Heavenly Father, I would not have been able to list the above 4/5 things that make me happy. For this simple reason He is my main source of happiness.  He wakes me up in the mornings and gives me the strength to make it through the day. He has blessed me with my basic senses which allow me to experience the awesomeness of His creations. I am elated to know that I am blessed and highly favoured. To know that I have been given a gift and purpose by God, brings me unimaginable joy. He is the greatest source.

So just as the challenge urged me, I urge you to count your blessings. Think of the things that make you happy and write about them. Be grateful. Be happy.

Advice & Beyond
@Looking_Within

What are Your Goals for March? For me they are...

At the beginning of the new year, I spoke of goals which are very important when you are on a journey of growth. http://lookingwithinu.blogspot.com/2014/01/new-year.html  I made for myself a list of goals for the year, so each month I should try to fulfill these goals and/or maintain what they entail. Here are some of them that I wish to focus on for March.

1. God.
           Most important is a relationship with God. In a society of people either always on the move or stuck feeling sorry for themselves; we lose sight of the importance of God. We forget to be grateful and to help our brothers as God sends others to help us. So for March and every other month I am alive, my goal is to strengthen my relationship with God. To go to church regularly and get involved, to practice gratitude and to be a blessing to those around me. I wish to one day be able to feel his light shining through me, I wish to be a beacon for others.

2. Kindness

                 It is an aspired life goal of mine to be a better person; to be a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear for those who need it. Based on research and basic human knowledge, being kind helps to improve your quality of life. Just doing something for another person and help to make you happier in so many ways. Even better, it helps to improve the lives of those around you, because you never know when someone may need a helping hand or kind word. This is why it is my goal for March to be kinder, to be a means of encouragement and support for the people around me

3. Quality Time

                      I definitely need to spend more time with the people I love. Many times I feel distant from my family, friends and significant other. I feel a sense of loneliness that should not be because I have people who love me in my life. I am getting a 2 weeks break from work starting March 14 and It is my goal to use this time to be around my loved ones more. When we get too busy, we get distant. I don't want that.

4. Getaway!

                  Another goal for March is to have a day away from all the hassles of my everyday life. I suggested and have been planning a trip out of town with my boyfriend. I see him a lot but we don't spend nearly enough time together, so this will be the perfect opportunity to relax, rewind and reconnect in a new way. I just want to be able to lay on the beach and enjoy the greatness of God's creation with him. I want to explore together. This will totally give me some extra points on the quality time goal lol.

5. Writing

              With this month's challenge and the one I got for February, I am surely working on my goal to write and express more. But I need to write more of my psychological posts. So it is my proposed goal to write at least 5 posts for March this is not related to the challenge. I need to keep myself in touch with my true purpose, I need to remind myself of the reason I am working a job I don't like. Writing does that, psychology does that.

I have other small goals to achieve, or more life to do lists. I want to start baking and making healthy treats like fruit smoothies. I also need to work on getting my glasses and researching scholarships for my masters. March is definitely a month of things to do, but I will enjoy it. This will be a great month for me, no matter what!

Advice & Beyond

@Looking_Within

New Month, Welcome March!

A new month has started and though I have fallen behind a bit on my 2014 goals, I still feel great about this year. This month will be bitter sweet but it also holds in store for me some new experiences.

I hope to be able to make the best of this gift God has given me and not waste it.

Many of the times we run around with so much to so and so little time. You may have 500 things to do on your To Do List, but still feel empty.  That is because we are so caught up in our own meaningless activities.

We fail to give thanks and praise to God for each moment we have breath. We forget to lift someone up and we are unable to break the habit of dragging people down.

This is a new month, this means we can change our ways. We can learn the practice of 'Thank you'. We can learn to give more and expect less in return. We can dream big and believe God will help to make it come true.

This is the month of Positivity, of joyfulness and peace of mind. Things may not go exactly as planned, you may be tested; but even if you fall do not stay down. Try not to lose sight of your wonderful blessings, do not be bitter BE BETTER.

Thank you for reading.

Advice & Beyond
@Looking_Within