Defining Life Moment...
A moment that define or redefine you. Can be good or bad and had an impact on the way you view yourself and your life.
My defining moment was one that caused me to change the way I dealt with things...this came little by little but the progress was a result of this moment.
November 26, 2007.
My mother died.
Losing someone is not easy, but for many it is the last moments of someone else's existence that opens their eyes to aspects on their own. I was no different.
My mother had breast cancer. It is sad for me because I can't tell you exactly what it did to her. I know it was hard because I saw that, but she was so strong that she tried to keep her spirits high.
I never really experienced lost until that day my mother died. When I heard, I passed out but never fully got what it meant. I cried but never really felt. I felt it a few weeks or less after her funeral, when I was sleeping in class and had a dream that broke me down.
When my mother died, everything else started to come to me. Like a gate, this single event opened my mind and brought out memories I worked so hard, not knowing, to forget. Childhood memories I wish were no more.
It was truly the hardest time of my life. I was not only struggling with her death, but also fighting my new reality. It felt as if no one truly got it and I was alone. I was in one of the darkest places of my life. I had night terrors, I cried in my sleep and felt completely void of happiness. Some of the people around me noticed that I was off, but they never really knew the extent to which my hurt had taken root in my heart.
I had lost my mother, the woman who should be here to help me on my wedding day, when I am giving birth to my child. A woman I needed to know more and be with more, she was simply gone and I had no say. Anger burnt the coldness of my heart until only tears were left...when that was used up I was back to that emptiness, familiar but sickening.
I found the strength to open up to a friend I never truly appreciated until this time. Patrice. She was my friend and I loved her, but losing someone you expected to be there always, made you hold on to everyone else a little harder. I started to notice that little by little, things got better. I was able to express. I was able to speak more freely to the other persons around me. I solidified in my mind what my purpose is in this world. I knew then that I want to be able to help persons get through the rough patches of their lives.
Before and during the time of my mother's passing, I never gave much regard to expressing my feelings and I am not sure why. But when you experience a load of pain, squeezing your heart because you kept it all in, you realize, it can kill you.
It took me some time, and I still cry for her but I know that I am different. I appreciate a little more the simply things in life. I try to let the people around me know I love them. I try to look on the brighter side, because I never want to feel that sadness again. It may happen, but I hope to be able to cry with hope and not despair.
So maybe my defining life moment happened after my mother passed, a day when I decided to change how I viewed this world. I honestly don't know. But I do know this, she was my mother, my channel to this Earth. I miss her and losing her changed my life. At first for the worst, but I know now that we can live through the dark days and as cliche as it sounds, "The storm won't last always."
Advice & Beyond
@Looking_Within
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