February Writing Challenge - Day 22

Long Lost Friend/Family Member

I stopped writing for a couple days, partially because I was busy and tired, but also because I did not feel the urge to. I was speaking to my friend, Hannah, and in encouraging her to write, I realize I too needed to be discipline and stick to writing. So I have decided to write on each day of this challenge that I missed.

In my life, I have lost friends and a family member. This past Thursday, I was able to reconnect with a friend I haven't spoken to in a long time and also speak to someone who used to be very close to me.

They say real friendship can stand the test of time, but is that really true? Just because a friendship ended, does that take away the fact that while it existed, it was real and true? 

There was a time in my life when I refused to let people in, to let them see my struggles. But I came upon a group of people who cared for me and I too cared for them. When I first thought of what I would write for this challenge, it felt risky and so I decided against it. It was today, after watching Brene Brown's TEDTalk on Vulnerability, that I decided "So What".

While in university, I got very close with one of those friends, some would say too close. Others described our relationship as isolating, because it was almost as if no one else was there. At the time I didn't see this, or maybe I didn't want to admit it, but now I can see how this could have been the case. She was my friend, and I was her friend, that is all I bothered to care about. She was there for me and I was there for her, yes there were times of disagreement, but essentially, this friendship was real. At first I was a bit skeptical, but I was convinced after a while that I should invest in this friendship, because she made it seem worth it.

She shared things with me, that I believed no one else knew, and I shared with her. She helped me and I believe I helped her too. But somehow, all this faded and things crashed and burnt. To this day, I am unable to fully explain the reason we are no longer friends, the reason we did not speak to each other for years. I only know it had a little to do with control, acceptance and willingness. Things just went wrong, and it became a can of unresolved issues and cases of victimization. I was so bothered by this, that I could not stop talking about it, and picking at cases in my mind when I feel I should have known better. I started to try to find reasons to be angry at myself. 

In the end, I realized there was no need to. She was my friend, despite how the friendship ended. There were good times and right now I don't regret it. With all else that has happened, I have tried to develop an appreciation of the events in my life, good and bad. I have been trying to learn from each situation. So even though we are no longer close, or even friends really; I do care. I will also not hinder myself from forming other friendships because of fear. I am still here and because I know the importance of good friendships, for however many years I am alive I will continue to grow in my friendships and where the opportunity arises, I will form new ones.

I pray I am never friendless and that I will be able to be a friend for others. I have learned to fight for the people who mean a lot to me, and to let them know how much I care. I have learned value and importance and how to show that to the people around me. I have not mastered this, but I am learning to. So friendships that ended are not ones to be bitter and upset about…they are ones to learn from and to be grateful they existed.

“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.” 
― Jon Katz

Advice & Beyond

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