How will she ever keep this a secret? Part 2

“I have woken up yet another morning, my tears almost drowned me; the pain that’s in my heart is enough to bring the storms and crack the earth. When you try to hold close to an idea that keeps slipping away, you start to wonder what’s the point in climbing through a landslide? I can’t stop the feeling, I can’t seem to get out of this skin that holds me to this devastating place. I can’t seem to fix this loop that has been going for far too long. I can’t seem to forgive my heart for this feeling and my mind for its inefficiency to mend.”

She runs to the bathroom to expel, she prays one day she is able to rid herself of the misery inside her that never seems to end. She hopes, but its never enough because she can never truly believe again.

She tries to stay alive so she breathes, she struggles and she muddles through. Will she be able to put her skin on right side today? Will they see what she has to cover up? Will someone look in her eyes and see the hurt beneath the curtains that only the rain can reveal?

She takes a step forward and turns the knob… Today marks the fourth year since she has started seeing Dr. Watkis for the pain she has been feeling, of course no one knows where she goes every week… She has never gone further than ‘Hello’. She keeps paying for these sessions not because she gets to talk about the horrible truth she carries on her back each day, but because she is able to cry, sigh and simply scream and know she’s not alone. Never will she allow herself to admit why she is here and the fear that she doesn’t believe she’ll ever be able to stop.

She sits on the couch and Dr. Watkis pulls out a picture. She stares; “How did she get that?” She looks. “Oh my God!” She weeps and her pain seems to turn the walls gray and the sky opens up and the cyclone begins. The wind howls for her, the trees shed their beauty because of her, even the birds seem to be mute around her. “Someone knows.”

She CRACKS!