Arguments are exhausting and sometimes go NOWHERE. It’s a constant table tennis match, with the ball going back and forth until someone loses. But really? We’re human beings, shouldn’t we be better able to reason and compromise?
I was so happy when I went to class one day and realized we were discussing conflict and methods of dealing with it. I hate arguing, but I always prided myself in knowing how to express myself and my points. Oh boy did I learn that I was wrong. As the class went on I realized that I was sometimes smothering with my opinions even though most of the times it’s just because I care.
Unresolved situations make me very uneasy, they affect me greatly, sometimes makes me lose sleep and I was elated when we started to talk about the Pillow Talk Method. It’s a creative way of breaking down an issue and getting everyone’s point out. It gives a voice to someone who may otherwise feel unheard and it creates a balance.
Sooo, I am going to share my own experience and how I sort of used this method to help me with the matter at hand.
I was having a conversation with my boyfriend about the fact that I don’t like that every time I am at school and he comes to see me, he is with this one girl in particular, * please bear in mind I don’t believe he likes her but I do hold strongly the thought that she is wildly infatuated with him*. I told him that I don’t see why they spend so much time together; his reply was they are in all the same courses and groups for assignments so they work together. Also that he doesn’t like her in that way so even if she likes him nothing would happen, because it’s strictly about school.
Step 1: I am right and he is wrong… I go to work 5 days per week, 3 of those days being school days and as a result I don’t see him as often as I use to; so I don’t think that there should be a shadow around him constantly stepping in our way and cutting our conversations short because that can put an even heavier strain on our relationship. He doesn’t see this and that makes him wrong.
Step 2: He is right and I am wrong… He stated that he has never given me the impression that he would be unfaithful. Also only reason she is around him is because most times when he comes to me, he is on his way to a group meeting or to finish an assignment. I may have been overreacting and letting my emotions get the better of me in the situation.
Step 3: We’re both right and we’re both wrong… His school work is very important and so is our relationship, we do need to spend more time together because with working on weekends; there is no real lengthy time to sit and talk about all that’s on our minds. However, he is working to achieve a goal and if he doesn’t it will have a greater impact on him, so if he needs to study or finish an assignment I should be able to accept that. He should realize that we need time together, but I should also realize the importance of his work and that that’s all it is.
Step 4: The problem is not as important as it seems… Ok I must admit that this is where I am unable to see how it is that the problem is not important and this is something that I am still working on. I think anything that can affect a relationship is important, but I will try to figure how to be able to use this method in its entirety in my relationship with my boyfriend, friends, family and co-workers. The only thing I could come up with is that just because I think she likes him, doesn’t mean something will happen between them. Also, our relationship should be strong enough to handle a struggle in face-to-face conversation.
I believe this method will not only help the relationship to grow, but it helps the individuals. You will be able to step outside of yourself and understand someone else. So next time you find yourself in an argument so big, it’s hard to settle; try this method.
You can write your views and allow the other person or persons to do the same. Then you can read it out loud and try to find some common ground.
Until next time… Thanks for reading!!
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